What if you had never been born or your life had been cut short. What would the world be like with out you? I have bumbled through life without a lot of thought about whether or not I make a difference. Mostly it was just surviving; making it through the day, paying the bills, raising the kids, doing the laundry. I never considered that my presence just might impact another, that it might change a life . . . hopefully in a positive way.
If I had never been born my husband would have married someone else. My son would not have been born. My daughter would have ended up with different adoptive parents. And those are just the major things. What about all those lives I have come in contact with over the last 70 years? Did I in some way change them or influence them? And did they, in turn, make a difference in someone else's life? It is a profound conundrum, one to which I will never have an answer.
As I look back over my life, I can see the many people who have changed me, challenged me, filled me. I had a family that adopted us when we were brand new parents. They helped me see how families are suppose to work. They weren't perfect but they were there for me. They changed me, I changed for my children, they are now changing how they parent. Just one family. And that family has impacted three generations so far. What if they had never been a part of my life?
And then there was the family that I barely knew at church. They had an adopted daughter from the Philippines. And I fell in love. So much so that we decided to adopt a child. We changed our daughter's life and she changed ours. I have been blessed with two incredible grandsons who would not exist if that family had not sat in front of us at church.
Then there was the friend who was my "yes, but . . . " friend. We would have deep theological discussions which always ended with "yes, but . . . ". It used to drive me nuts. I loved her and hated her. Just once I wanted to be right! In retrospect, now that she is gone, I see she was challenging me to think, to study, to "not lean on my own understanding" but to search out everything for truth. And, even though she has been gone for nearly 20 years, I can still hear her voice in my ear saying "yes, but . . ".
What about that person who believed in me so much that she helped me get a job with the USDA. Me, the little old hick from the country, working with "educated" people. Me, who had no ability, no self-esteem, no education was hurled into a job that was way beyond my pay grade. Because of this persons confidence in me (when I had none), I succeeded and rose up the ladder quickly. She believed in me. Sometimes that is all it takes.
And then there was the long lost shirt-tail relative who I only kept in touch with through Christmas cards. She encouraged me each and every Christmas to "write". I appreciated the compliments, but never took them too seriously. And, low and behold, now I am writing. What if she had never said anything? What if I had never known her? She made a difference.
Once in a great while, I get a glimpse of a difference I made to others. I get a card with wonderful words, or a teary hug, or a smile of understanding. Not because I do "big" things, but because I was meant to be there at that time in their lives. Sometimes just being there is enough. I can only help change the world one person at a time. Not because I try to mold them into something else, but because I encourage, or listen, or laugh or cry with them.
It is a wonderful life. Every day, in every way. You make a difference. Never believe that you don't count, that you are not important. If you have come into my life, however briefly, you have made a difference to me! Believe it!
According to the movie, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Maybe you are that angel! I know you are a gift to someone somewhere.
Just Writin' on the River Road
