Perks and then some

When did I get old?  I don't remember doing it.  Or even choosing to do so, but somehow it happened.  I always knew it was coming but I have to admit surprise at how fast it happened.  When did I begin to forget names?  Or find stairs difficult?  It snuck up on me when I wasn't looking!  I hate that!

We recently went to our grandson's middle school basketball game.  Bleachers.  No, they are not good.  No hand rails.  Envy does not even describe what I felt watching people climb up and down with ease.  Is it just me or do today's parents look a whole lot younger than they used to?  Was I ever there?  Yes, and it feels like yesterday.

Now, I am to an age when not everything comes easy anymore.  I can't wrap my brain around all this computer stuff.  Or my "smart" phone that must be dying inside because it is just used as a telephone and its multi-faceted functions are useless to me.  It takes so much longer to figure out the phone than it would be to do it the old fashioned way.

Well, I can whine or I can win.  There have to be some perks to getting "mature", right?  You do get discounts at certain places.  On occasion you get a wee bit of respect.  For some, you can relax in retirement and have fun.  For others there is only struggle to make ends meet.  Medical bills are not a perk!  And as the body falls apart, there are more and more of them.  The elderly ought to get a discount for being sick.  Like that's gonna happen!  I think wisdom is gained over time.  All that we have experienced is not lost.  And we are not beyond learning and experiencing new things, albeit takes a little bit longer.

Grandparenting is a definite perk.  We have the time to spend with grandchildren that wasn't there when we were raising their parents.  And we are certainly special to the grandkids until they reach a certain age.  Then we cease to speak the same language, understand the same things, or know what is going on.  I take my grandsons on a "date" with grandma for their birthday each year.  They have more "stuff" than they know what to do with, so I figure a little "one on one" time with grandma is better.  We have dinner and go to the theater.  Culture is good, right?  Besides, it is what I like to do.  But it is fun, we have time to talk and spend some quality time together.  Instead of purchasing a gift, I am buying memories.  It is special to me and I hope it is to them also.  This
year we will take in some Chinese history, dance and music.

The one thing that is ultimately unfair about aging is that our mind doesn't.  My mind tells me I am still a youth, I can run with the best of them.  And then I try.  My feelings and emotions are still the same as they were 50 years ago.  Young love, old love . . . love is still love, feelings still abound.  But they are now trapped in an sometimes ill, definitely aging body.  I am not suppose to feel those things because I am not 16 anymore.  Or at least the younger generations sees it that way.

Grow old gracefully.  We are suppose to, we want to.  Little hard to be graceful when your "shuffle" is not on the dance floor but on the way to bed.  Be we can still show grace, love, mercy, understanding, care, patience, hospitality and any number of other things that are desperately needed in our society.  So don't write me off yet.  I have things to do, places to see, and people to meet!  As my doctor says "You don't have an expiration date stamped on your foot."

Life is good at all stages of living.  Not just existing, but living every moment to the fullest!  Just because I can't run a marathon doesn't mean I can't contribute to my family, my friends, society in general.  So let's do it!  Let the "older generation" make a difference!

Love and More.

Love.  With Valentine's Day fast approaching, maybe we should explore this "four-letter" word bandied about by our society.  My new friend from Israel asked me "What is love?".  I have to admit that I stumbled and mumbled before coming to some sort of an answer.  But it is one of those





questions that won't go away until you come to grips with it yourself.  So let me paint you a picture of some of the faces of love.

If you are a hormone ridden teenager, you might describe it as romance.  All hearts, flowers and feelings.  If you are in your twilight years, it could be defined as companionship.  Our English language is inadequate in so many ways.  The Greek language has a number of words that describe love: 1) Eros, a physical, sexual intimacy, 2) Philia, a deep and abiding friendship, 3) Ludus, a playful love such as between children, 4) Pragma, a long standing love, 5) Philautia, which is a self love (and while this can be narcissism, it also lends itself to being secure and liking yourself), and 6) Agape, which is God's love.

We have no word that defines the difference between "I love pizza." and "I love my spouse."  I love them both.  So what is the difference?

Society as a whole tends to think of love as a "feeling", an emotion.  And in many ways it is.  It can combine passion and affection, which are feelings.  Our lives would be dull and uneventful without those things in our relationships.  The greatest pain you will ever feel is if love has been destroyed or defiled in your life.  Sometimes those scars remain for a lifetime.

But I think love is more than that.  I think loving is probably the hardest thing we will ever do in our lives.  Love involves forgiving when we don't feel like doing so, it is overlooking the faults of others, it involves sacrificing yourself for someone else, it is having compassion and understanding, it is dedicating your very being to something other than yourself.  Looking at it in that light, it doesn't sound like something I would willingly participate in.  But I do.  We are created to love.

Another surprising element about love is that it can be learned.  I grew up in a home where affection and feelings were not expressed.  I am sure there are many of you who can understand being tossed in to the world with no real understanding of really knowing what love is.  That hole is often filled with other things to make us feel better, feel worthy, be important.  We turn into workaholics, drug addicts, people pleasers, indulge in multiple physical relationships, or spend a life time wondering what we are missing, why we are not happy.

That Greek word, Philautia, is very important.  Jesus said we are "to love our neighbors as ourselves."
Most people never get passed the "love your neighbor" part.  It is not possible to love our neighbors until we love ourselves.  And, somehow, we have been taught that it is wrong to love ourselves.  It has taken me a lifetime to learn that one small truth.  I can not love you unless I love me.  So how do I get there?

For me it was a long path of learning to accept that God loved me, just as I was, warts and all.  And, I admit, there are days that have to remind myself that this is true.  It is easy to fall back into that feeling unworthy status.  But I refuse to stay there.  I am loved, and therefore I can love.  Is it easy?  No.  Does it involve pain and hurt?  Often.  But I persist.

So there must be an upside for this interesting concept of love, right?  Or else we wouldn't all "fall" for it so easily.  Firstly, it gives us immeasurable joy.  We feel special, important, a part of another person.  And, in turn, those feelings are reciprocated.  We know we can be "real" and still maintain a relationship.  We can trust and respect one another.  We are wrapped in a cloak of care.  We "feel" secure . . . loved.

So has you enter in to this season of "love", think about your definition.  How do you spell love?  Compassion.  Dedication.  Forgiveness.  Joy.  Friendship. Sympathy. Empathy. Tenderness. Devotion.  Sharing.  Sacrifice.  You fill in the blank.  You are the only one who can define love as it appears in your life.  Do it!  Think about it, ponder the question, find your own answer.

Just writin' on the River Road