questions that won't go away until you come to grips with it yourself. So let me paint you a picture of some of the faces of love.
If you are a hormone ridden teenager, you might describe it as romance. All hearts, flowers and feelings. If you are in your twilight years, it could be defined as companionship. Our English language is inadequate in so many ways. The Greek language has a number of words that describe love: 1) Eros, a physical, sexual intimacy, 2) Philia, a deep and abiding friendship, 3) Ludus, a playful love such as between children, 4) Pragma, a long standing love, 5) Philautia, which is a self love (and while this can be narcissism, it also lends itself to being secure and liking yourself), and 6) Agape, which is God's love.
We have no word that defines the difference between "I love pizza." and "I love my spouse." I love them both. So what is the difference?
Society as a whole tends to think of love as a "feeling", an emotion. And in many ways it is. It can combine passion and affection, which are feelings. Our lives would be dull and uneventful without those things in our relationships. The greatest pain you will ever feel is if love has been destroyed or defiled in your life. Sometimes those scars remain for a lifetime.
But I think love is more than that. I think loving is probably the hardest thing we will ever do in our lives. Love involves forgiving when we don't feel like doing so, it is overlooking the faults of others, it involves sacrificing yourself for someone else, it is having compassion and understanding, it is dedicating your very being to something other than yourself. Looking at it in that light, it doesn't sound like something I would willingly participate in. But I do. We are created to love.
Another surprising element about love is that it can be learned. I grew up in a home where affection and feelings were not expressed. I am sure there are many of you who can understand being tossed in to the world with no real understanding of really knowing what love is. That hole is often filled with other things to make us feel better, feel worthy, be important. We turn into workaholics, drug addicts, people pleasers, indulge in multiple physical relationships, or spend a life time wondering what we are missing, why we are not happy.
That Greek word, Philautia, is very important. Jesus said we are "to love our neighbors as ourselves."
Most people never get passed the "love your neighbor" part. It is not possible to love our neighbors until we love ourselves. And, somehow, we have been taught that it is wrong to love ourselves. It has taken me a lifetime to learn that one small truth. I can not love you unless I love me. So how do I get there?
For me it was a long path of learning to accept that God loved me, just as I was, warts and all. And, I admit, there are days that have to remind myself that this is true. It is easy to fall back into that feeling unworthy status. But I refuse to stay there. I am loved, and therefore I can love. Is it easy? No. Does it involve pain and hurt? Often. But I persist.
So there must be an upside for this interesting concept of love, right? Or else we wouldn't all "fall" for it so easily. Firstly, it gives us immeasurable joy. We feel special, important, a part of another person. And, in turn, those feelings are reciprocated. We know we can be "real" and still maintain a relationship. We can trust and respect one another. We are wrapped in a cloak of care. We "feel" secure . . . loved.
So has you enter in to this season of "love", think about your definition. How do you spell love? Compassion. Dedication. Forgiveness. Joy. Friendship. Sympathy. Empathy. Tenderness. Devotion. Sharing. Sacrifice. You fill in the blank. You are the only one who can define love as it appears in your life. Do it! Think about it, ponder the question, find your own answer.
Just writin' on the River Road
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