Life and then some

I am thinking that you will find this article very "off key" for me.  Perhaps even depressing.  And I admit to being in a "funk" from time to time.  So maybe I am just being "funky"?

A line from Walden by Henry David Thoreau has been running through my head of late.  Maybe I feel it more now because of my situation, but I don't think it is just me.  Thoreau said "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. . .".  There is more to the quote but I will address that later.

I had a pastor once who emphasized being "real" to other people in our lives.  I was struck by that but at the same time realized that most "other" people don't really want to hear my problems.  That used to make me feel bad until I discovered that we all lead lives of "quiet desperation".  I have no idea what is going on in your life, in your mind......I tend to judge by what is available to me on the surface.  When you tell me you are "fine", then I have grave concerns when you do something that isn't "fine".  I have decided that we all live hidden lives deep within ourselves.  It is there that we hide our hurt, pain, frustration, anger, insecurity, fear and a multitude of other emotions and memories.  All those hidden things that can overwhelm us and sometimes cause us to over react, to do dumb things, to even hurt ourselves or others.

I can't speak for others, but from observation, I think we are all in the same boat.  Some days we float pretty well, other days we bail like crazy to keep afloat, and sometimes we let the boat sink.  We run to avoid our situation, or we hide, or we chose to ignore it . . . but it is always there.  Some are wise enough to face life head on, deal with "stuff" and move on.  Others hang on to it . . . in some strange way, we find comfort in what we "know", even if it hurts.  The unknown is more frightening than the pain and frustration with which we are well acquainted.  It seems a shame to be held hostage by our own demons.

All that being said, what do we do?  The rest of the quote is "and go to the grave with the song still in them."  And while the first part is profound enough, this last part is even more profound.  Yes, we have to deal with the things that life hands us, but how do we do that?  I, personally, don't want to go to my grave with "the song" never sung.  And I truly believe that we are all created to sing that "song", to share it with others, to use it to change the world.  But if I live only in quiet desperation, my song will not come forth.  So, do I clutch my painful, prickly "security blanket", or do I cast it aside and venture forth into the unknown?  I can choose.  Choices can be scary.  Do I take this road or that path, do I try this thing or something else, do I trust or not?  Choices.  It always boils down to choices.

And faith.  What do I believe?  Who do I believe?  And while I don't struggle with my faith, there are those days when I begin to wonder if my choices adhere to that faith or vice versa.  God is constant.  I can be volatile. I thought that by this age I would have things figured out.  Not so.

I wish I had all the answers for you.  I struggle with my own turmoil.  But I am less judgmental now of your actions because I know under all that bravado, there is someone living in desperation that has no idea how to access their song, much less share it.  Let us all be kinder, gentler, more caring of others.  Because we have no idea what is really going on behind the scenes.  Let's encourage each other to become a choir that can make a difference to someone or to all.

Just Writin' on the River Road

Obsession

What is our obsession with "stuff"?  Or more specifically, other people's stuff?  We recently had a Yard Sale weekend in Glenns Ferry and it was amazing the number of people who showed up and bought "stuff".  And often it is stuff that I would throw away.

Why?  Are we looking for a bargain?  Or a treasure?  Or what?  I will have to admit after nearly 10 years of operating a thrift store, I am not nearly as enthusiastic about "stuff" as I used to be.  After picking through donations each week, your enthusiasm begins wane somewhat.  But there is still that insatiable curiosity about what might be in the next sack, the next box.  And on occasion, there is a real treasure.  Once we found diamond earrings, so you just never know.

We are planning an auction in August.  Another one of those venues that attract people who have an obsession with other people's stuff.  In this instance, I will be grateful for each and everyone of those individuals.  Personally, I have little patience for auctions.  I want to buy it and leave.  I am not a shopper.  Invite me to dinner, to a movie, to a ton of things......but not shopping.  I remember an uncle who would come home with boxes of "stuff" from auctions.  He had no idea what was inside the boxes, or if he needed it, but it was a "deal" so he bought it.  And then the family had to deal with all those treasures when it fell to them to dispose of it.  This is recycling at its peak.

I read on Facebook that we spend two thirds of our life collecting "stuff" and the last third of our life trying to get rid of it.  That was so close to the truth that it actually hurt.  Initially we moved every few years (or sometimes months) so we never collected too much.  Well, at first.  In the beginning everything we owned went in a 1964 Comet with an ironing board strapped on top.  Then we graduated to a pickup, then to a U-Haul.  With the inclusion of children in our lives, we moved on to moving companies. Now having been parked in one spot for fourteen years, we may have outlived moving vans.

So how does one begin to downsize.  I like my stuff.  I might actually use it someday.  Of course, that someday could be years off.  Some of it I really like and don't want to get rid of.  I really have no use for it, I just like it.  Some are family heirlooms, some are things I have made over the years, some are gifts I got from significant people.  They are meaningful, although not necessary or even useful.

It is a conundrum.  How much stuff do we need?  Can we live without it?  Probably.  Can it be replaced?  Maybe.  Bottom line - can I take it with me?  I expect not.  Will my kids want it?  Some, maybe.  So what do I do with it?  Pass it on to someone else who REALLY needs more stuff?  Haul it to the dump or otherwise dispose of it?  Like I said, it is a profound conundrum.  I am beginning to understand those who choose to die and leave it all to someone else.  Yep......when in a conundrum, take the easy way out.

Just Writin' on the River Road

On the way back

After trekking across Alaska and parts of Canada, it appears that the girls are on their way home.

Wednesday, July 12th
Got up about 8 and we docked at Carcross again about 8:30.  We had our baggage checked to Skagway then went over to hear Paty Henderson's lecture.  He was a boy when the Bananga strike was made in "90".  He was with the four men.  He showed his Indian traps, talked broken English.  Went to the fur farm.  Saw the fox and mink.  Fox were shedding and looked most homely.  Our train left at 10 - had a delightful trip.  Babies and young make interesting company.  Went along t

he shore of Lake Bennett.  Stopped there for lunch, M and I didn't go.  Cost a dollar and we lunched on some candy and spent the time climbing the hill to the old church and taking pictures.  The rest of the trip was wonderful.  High snow capped mountains and water falls.  We stopped first at the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, next at Inspiration Point where a monument is erected to the pack horses and where you can see the trace of the old Yukon Trail.  Went over the high bridge, up Dead Horse Gulch and stopped again at Pitch Fork Falls.  Walked up the trail beside them and took pictures.  U.S. customs inspectors came aboard at the train yards at Skagway and inspected hand luggage.  The train stopped right in front of the Golden North Hotel.  M and I got room 19 on the third floor - $2 a day apiece.  Really is two rooms.  One bed back away from the windows over looking the street and one by them.  I have the bed by the windows but feel sorry for the door thing - it is so tired and sagging.  Did the washing this afternoon and it is drying over the head and foot of my bed.  First time we have running water for many a day.  Had dinner at the hotel dining room.  The went to the Pullen House and heard Mrs. Pullen tell about her experiences - most interesting.  Back here at the hotel at 11.  Mrs. Pullen knew Soapy Smith when he drove a freight wagon.

Jefferson Randolph "Soapy" Smith II was a con artist and gangster of the old west.  He is buried in Skagway.
Thursday, July 13th.

Soapy Smith

Got up about 12.  Made an appointment for 3 to get my hair fixed and then went shopping.  About 2 we went down to look over the Princess Louse.  At 3 did our hair.  About 5 came back to the hotel.  At 6 went to down to see the Princess Louise off.  Mr. and Mrs. Coats, Miss Point, etc. went.  Went down to Pullen House for while, then ate, then back to the hotel and M did a washing.  Eleven now and will try to sleep if our next door neighbors who are talking and laughing and playing the phonograph allow it.

Friday, July 14th

Skagway street car circa 1939

Got up about 8, took a ride with Martin Tyler in the Skagway street car.  Most amusing and very instructive.  Went to the Blanchard Flower Gardens.  M and I both took pictures.  I used one roll of color film.  About 3 went around by the Pullen House to see if Mrs. Young wanted to biking to the lake.  Asked another lady too.  By the time it was 4 we had our party together and we all took lunches with us.  Had a splendid walk, very lovely.  Ate our lunch by the Lower Dewey Lake then Mrs. Young made a ball of a rock with paper around it and we played catch.  Got done about 8 and watched a ball game till 9.  Came back home and took a shower, then to bed.  There is a dance tonight, wish I could go.

Just Writin' on the River Road