Life and then some

I am thinking that you will find this article very "off key" for me.  Perhaps even depressing.  And I admit to being in a "funk" from time to time.  So maybe I am just being "funky"?

A line from Walden by Henry David Thoreau has been running through my head of late.  Maybe I feel it more now because of my situation, but I don't think it is just me.  Thoreau said "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. . .".  There is more to the quote but I will address that later.

I had a pastor once who emphasized being "real" to other people in our lives.  I was struck by that but at the same time realized that most "other" people don't really want to hear my problems.  That used to make me feel bad until I discovered that we all lead lives of "quiet desperation".  I have no idea what is going on in your life, in your mind......I tend to judge by what is available to me on the surface.  When you tell me you are "fine", then I have grave concerns when you do something that isn't "fine".  I have decided that we all live hidden lives deep within ourselves.  It is there that we hide our hurt, pain, frustration, anger, insecurity, fear and a multitude of other emotions and memories.  All those hidden things that can overwhelm us and sometimes cause us to over react, to do dumb things, to even hurt ourselves or others.

I can't speak for others, but from observation, I think we are all in the same boat.  Some days we float pretty well, other days we bail like crazy to keep afloat, and sometimes we let the boat sink.  We run to avoid our situation, or we hide, or we chose to ignore it . . . but it is always there.  Some are wise enough to face life head on, deal with "stuff" and move on.  Others hang on to it . . . in some strange way, we find comfort in what we "know", even if it hurts.  The unknown is more frightening than the pain and frustration with which we are well acquainted.  It seems a shame to be held hostage by our own demons.

All that being said, what do we do?  The rest of the quote is "and go to the grave with the song still in them."  And while the first part is profound enough, this last part is even more profound.  Yes, we have to deal with the things that life hands us, but how do we do that?  I, personally, don't want to go to my grave with "the song" never sung.  And I truly believe that we are all created to sing that "song", to share it with others, to use it to change the world.  But if I live only in quiet desperation, my song will not come forth.  So, do I clutch my painful, prickly "security blanket", or do I cast it aside and venture forth into the unknown?  I can choose.  Choices can be scary.  Do I take this road or that path, do I try this thing or something else, do I trust or not?  Choices.  It always boils down to choices.

And faith.  What do I believe?  Who do I believe?  And while I don't struggle with my faith, there are those days when I begin to wonder if my choices adhere to that faith or vice versa.  God is constant.  I can be volatile. I thought that by this age I would have things figured out.  Not so.

I wish I had all the answers for you.  I struggle with my own turmoil.  But I am less judgmental now of your actions because I know under all that bravado, there is someone living in desperation that has no idea how to access their song, much less share it.  Let us all be kinder, gentler, more caring of others.  Because we have no idea what is really going on behind the scenes.  Let's encourage each other to become a choir that can make a difference to someone or to all.

Just Writin' on the River Road