How do you compare?

It sneaks up on you.  I don't see it coming until I am in the middle of it.  I don't even know where it comes from, but I know I am not happy with myself when I become aware of my thoughts.

I am talking about "comparison".  It seems like such a common place word.  Actually, it seems inconsequential.  But it has power to bring us to our knees.  What is this need we have to compare ourselves to others, compare our jobs, homes, situations, health, or just about everything which is around us.  It is unhealthy.  It is the opposite of contentment.  It makes us constantly strive to be something we are not, to want more, to try to live up the neighbor's standards.  Why?  Why can't we be happy with what we have?

This is not a new problem.  In fact, it is as old as time.  If you remember the story of Adam and Eve, they were content in the garden . . . until Eve became discontented when she compared all she had to what she could have by eating the fruit from the Tree of Good and Evil.  Then she would know everything.  Comparing what was good, true, and life giving to that one little thing that she couldn't have has been a bane to all of us.

I found myself doing it the other day.  Saw a sign on my neighborhood walk for a house for sale with a POOL.  Immediately I fell into the comparison mode.  Mine has thus and so, but they have a POOL.  I love my yard with its cute little creek and lots of trees......why isn't it enough?  Why can't I be content with what I have?

And it is not just a woman thing, you guys have it too.  It is called vehicles, tools and toys.  You need a newer car, a bigger truck, the latest boat, 4 wheeler, golf clubs, and so on.

I visited a delightful consignment store this week.  It was clean, had beautiful items, and wonderful displays and I immediately began comparing.  I love my store, the Calico Cupboard.  It is everything I dreamed of owning, until I walked into that store.  It is such a shame that we such creatures of …………well, comparison.

I have often contemplated the Apostle Paul's statement that he was content in all things, good or bad. Will I ever attain such standing?  Deep down I don't think it has anything to do with the "stuff" we have, it has to do with whether or not we are happy with ourselves.  "Stuff" will never make us happy.  It will never be enough to fill our insecurities, our desires, our wants.

So what do we do?  Deny ourselves all but the necessities?   Give it all away and live in a grass shack?  I don't know.  I wish I had the answer for you.  If we are secure in our place in the world, in our relationships, especially with God, it may be easier.  At least we are aware of our shortcomings.  And with awareness comes the first inkling of change.

Perhaps the first question we need to ask ourselves is "Why do I feel this way?"  Personally, I think mine goes back to childhood.  I had one parent who was content with our "homesteading" lifestyle.  And I had one who was ashamed that we lived as we did.  If I could find a place on either side of the fence, I might have a chance.  But I tend to try to balance on the top rail.  It makes for a very precarious sense of security.

I have found one thing that seems to point me in the right direction.  Gratitude.  If I literally make a list of all my blessings, there is nothing I need.  In fact, there is very little that I want.  I am so thankful for all I have spiritually, personally, materially, physically and many other ways.  I don't need a POOL. What I need is the ability to be content with everything I already have, to enjoy it to the fullest, to share it with others, and be grateful for it all.  So easy.  And yet such a struggle.

Just Writin' on the River Road