And just yesterday . . .

 Does anyone else in this world have identity issues? There are days when I wonder who I am. And then I look in the mirror and am aghast at the woman who is gazing back at me. I don’t recognize her! No matter how many times I look, I am still dumbfounded. Do I really look like that? Old and lumpy and frumpy. Who is she??

There is a thief in my house. There has to be! And he’s good! He slithers in at night and steals a little, not so much that you notice immediately, but eventually the accumulated of loss is evident. Boy, would I like to get my hands on him!! What he takes is more valuable than silver and gold. Sometimes more costly that life itself.

He steals my memory. It's annoying and frightening! I used to be reasonably sharp, now I can’t get my Jeopardy questions out before the buzzer. Little by little he chips away at my health. It is a strain here, a break there, a pain, an ache, general wear and tear. Granted, I didn’t take care of myself as a youth, but still . . . this is just not right! He wakes me up every couple of hours . . . maybe he wants me to catch him? I never do. I have just learned to sleep in increments and enjoy my nightly strolls to the bathroom. He has deposited fear in my account, fear of the everyday things. I don’t want to fall, have a car accident, slip on the ice, or just generally make a fool of myself because I don’t understand all this new fangled technology. I hate feeling disabled and ignorant!

I know this sounds ridiculous, but he has been transplanting the hair from my head to various other parts of my body. Seriously, this is not funny! Soon I will have a handful of hairs on my head but enough to braid in other places! He has stolen my balance. At times it would appear I have been indulging in the “bottle” as I stroll around the neighborhood. I have learned to limp with grace . . . most of the time. Unfortunately, the knee bone is connected to the hip bone which is connected to the back bone which just makes everything hurt. Makes me wonder what else in my life is out of sync and causing something other than physical issues. Could I be a few bricks shy a full load perhaps?

So what do I do about this thief? If I can’t stop him, I would at least like to slow him down! How do I do that? Suggestions? I suppose if got rid of all the sweets and junk food, he might pass me by for a short while. He might get tired if he had to exercise daily. That’s a thought. He could get bored if I read something to enlighten my mind. Or I could just stay up all night with a baseball bat in hand.

I have seriously considered investing in some brandy for my eggnog or creating my own wine cellar but I doubt that would change anything . . . or even make me feel better. Although that woman who lives in my mirror might lean more toward “soft focus”. Maybe I will, then I will have a good reason to stagger as I walk. When I explained to my doctor that my balance was getting worse, her suggestion was “Why don’t you get a walker?” I am seriously thinking of changing doctors! I need empathy, not that kind of advice!

I think this is a battle I will not win for my thief is ever vigilant and faithful about his secret visits. But that doesn’t mean I intend to give up and allow him to steal it all in one fell swoop. No sirie, I won’t allow him to win without a fight! And I’ll do it without a walker!

Just Writin’ on the River Road

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